Sea Legs

I gobbled a couple of Dramamine before todays voyage. Just in case.

Take my picture

Some creepy dude with a thin mustache tried to take my picture with his cell phone on the J this morning. He was trying to pull the old "I'm just text messaging my buddy" trick but was definitely trying to get my shot. I kept holding my phone in front of my face to mess him up. But then it looked like I was trying to take a pic of him and the lady next to Thin Mustache dude started tripping out on me. The situation kind of got weird when some guy with a red flannel got on the J at the 16th/Church stop and thanked Thin Mustache for texting him regarding his where-abouts.

Rick-alike

Here's the back flippin wannabe Rick.

J Roll

Some asshole took that damn Rick Astley craze too far this morning when he started humming the tune "Never Gonna Give You Up". The kicker was when the jerk somehow got the entire front car to hum along with him. It really got nuts when the conductor (who was dead ringer for Rick) stopped the J and did a back flip out of his booth. I'm not going to say who the person was who started humming. But lets just say he really likes the letter J.

Clothing Optional

Apparently some guy on the J this morning thought the ride was clothing optional. All he had to cover himself up was today's copy of the Wall Street Journal. Passengers didn't really take notice but I'm guessing if he had yesterdays Examiner they would have been up in arms. Naked Guy exited at Dolores Park for what I can only guess was a mid morning bronzing session. Oh, and Naked Guy, Congratulations.

¿Cuánto para el día a la bahía?

I wonder what it would take to bribe a J Church Conductor to let me drive that puppy?

Today on the J I saw some dude riding a unicycle down Church Street. His name is probably Steve since he was wearing Reebooks and only one glove.

Right as I was hoping that Steve was going to get doored by the Mini Cooper parked in front of Eric's Chinese Restaurant some asshole spilled his coffee all over me. And wouldn't you know it but the perpetrator was none other than Laptop Man.

This is the same dick I had a showdown with two weeks ago for the last seat on the J. Unless it's the cute Green Purse Girl or the super Old Creepy Dude that works at the Adult Video Store I typically Ro-Sham-Bo passengers for the seat in these situations. But Lap Top Man just ignored the fact that we got to the seat at the same time, sat down and opened up his Laptop in my face as to say "Eff Off".

I really do hope that Steve safely got to where ever he was going. Laptop Man, well, I hope his Lenovo is coffee proof.

Behold the Greatness

Biting the hand that feeds

I got kicked off the J last night on my ride home for being too drunk and disorderly. Are they kidding me! I've seen bums have sex on the car and they didn't get kicked off. It was like Max Fischer getting kicked out of Rushmore. Apparently the disorderly part had something to do with convincing a mariachi band to play InagaddaDaVida. No worries, I just put on my game face and got on the next car. I would like to formally apologize to the J for my behavior and to the Mariachi band as they got kicked off as well.

Showdown

This morning the J had a showdown with the N at the end of 30th St behind the old Safeway. Unfortunately the J backed down to the mighty N and had to wait as the N sped by with a smug-ass grin into the tunnel. The N thinks it's so cool cus it goes by the beach and is twice as long. But it's a love/hate relationship because if the J was going to ever get married it would be to the N. One night stands are another story. Obviously those rendezvous are reserved for that slut F.

Do the Math

On the way home I sat by a lady the looked like she could be persuaded into voting for Matias in 08'. She had a look on her face that said "the math just doesn't add up". I wonder what sort of criminal penalty the Law would rain down upon me if I rappelled on top of the J and unfurled a banner. I wonder if anything else besides banners can be unfurled?

hope

I hope my ride home is successful.

Examine this

My faux pas on the J today was two-fold. Not only did pick up and read the Examiner but as it turns out the paper was from yesterday. No news about Frenchy cops on Rollerblades or daredevil hippies on the Golden Bridge but it did have a fairly accurate prediction for Mondays weather. My biggest disappointment was that the sports page was missing. Does anybody know who won the basketball games on Sunday?